On Sunday, 14th December, Dylan was a bit quieter. He hardly left his bed. His breathing also seemed a bit faster. But when I fed the dogs, I noticed that his gums were pale, very pale. It really had me worried, so I called the emergency vet. She asked lots of questions, but in the end said that he would be ok until the morning and that the AHT would check him out as he had an appointment with them anyway.
At 10.30 we had the appointment with Davide. Dylan perked up when he walked through the doors of the AHT and was very pleased to see Davide as well as a couple of the staff that looked after him there. Davide checked and said that before doing the radiotherapy, they would do the bloods to check what was going on. That would tell them whether he was losing blood somewhere. If he was, then they would do an ultrasound and further checks as appropriate.
Davide called me back when the blood results were in, saying that he was definitely losing blood somewhere, so they went ahead with the ultrasound.
A couple of hours later, Davide called again with the bad news... the ultrasound showed nothing, so they did xrays of the chest... and the cancer had now spread to his lungs. And it was likely that the bleeding was happening in his lungs. What a blow.
When I went to pick Dylan up, he seemed a bit unwell and subdued. Davide showed me the xrays where the new tumours in his lungs were clearly visible. There were a couple of larger ones, and many, many small ones! I just couldn't believe that after all this, after all the progress he had made with his leg, we had now reached the end of the road so suddenly! Only 6 weeks ago, his chest looked completely clear, and now his lungs were riddled with cancer too!
Davide gave Dylan cuddles saying goodbye, knowing that it would probably be the last time he'd see him. He did dispense some further pain medication and said that I could contact him anytime if necessary.
I already had a feeling when I saw Dylan at the AHT that things weren't looking good, but of course I was hoping that he would improve a bit in time. He didn't - and it quickly became clear once I was at home for a while with him, that he was not comfortable. I made the heartbreaking decision that evening of the 15th, that I would have to let Dylan go. He wasn't going to get better now, there was nothing that could stop the bleeding, and there was nothing that would improve his breathing. Dylan was losing the fight! I didn't want him to drown in his own blood, as we were quite sure that the bleeding was happening in his lungs.
The next morning, I gave it time until after 10 o'clock, milling things over and over in my head, trying to ascertain that I was making the right decision and wasn't being hasty... But Dylan's appetite was virtually gone, he was only eating when I hand-fed him super nice stuff like bacon, cheese and cooked chicken... and even with that he was getting more reluctant by the minute. He now also resented taking his medication. His breathing had gotten a little worse over night and he was definitely feeling worse. So I called the vet to come to my house in the afternoon.
The vet was a little late due to an emergency they had to attend. However, during that time we were waiting, Dylan went outside to the toilet and he looked distinctly dizzy. He didn't want to go down the step into the garden and when he went to drink water, he kind of like went into a trance before he touched even the water, as if he was blacking out. When I lifted the bowl up for him, he was drinking. I think he felt very dizzy as the internal bleeding started to weaken his circulation and blood pressure... It was the final confirmation that I was doing the right thing!
Just after three o'clock, Ashley the vet and a nurse arrived, and a few minutes later, a few seconds after the needle went in, Dylan peacefully went to sleep and then slipped away. Just like Troy, he passed so quickly and peacefully, he was ready to go.
Dylan stayed at home over night. Flash, Jesse and Skye didn't really take any notice of him at all. They were there when it happened and they knew he had passed away and wasn't here anymore.
During the night, Dylan lost a lot of blood through his nose, which only confirms that he was definitely bleeding out in his lungs, and sending him to sleep when I did was the right thing to do.
I am absolutely devastated. I feel totally numb. I can't believe that my beautiful boy is gone now. He put up such a brave fight and he was in good spirits through pretty much all of this time (three months since initial diagnosis). I can't thank Davide and the AHT enough for all they have done for him, and for the care and dedication that they lavished on him. Dylan loved going there, and he loved Davide and all the staff there.
I miss you so much, Dylan! I am sure Troy was waiting there for you to welcome you and show you around. You were such a special dog, we had such a special time together, you will never be forgotten and will be with me in my heart forever.
On Wednesday I took Dylan on his last car journey, to the Peaceful Pets crematorium. Yesterday, I picked up his ashes. I feel a little better since his ashes are back home now, I have closure I guess. But my heart is breaking! Dylan was one in a million, he was my first dog, in the nearly 13 years we shared together, we went through so much together, and he was always there, always a comfort when times were tough, always up for fun, "a true gentleman" as a friend called him, "an old wise soul"... Now another star in the sky, another angel at the Rainbow Bridge. Sleep tight, my beautiful boy!
Here are the last two pictures I took of Dylan, that was on Monday, 15th December.
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